3rd Berlinversary

Three is a magic number. For me it meant different things in the course of my life, and has often related to my relationships with people and places. Now it’s the time to celebrate my 3rd Berlinversary looking back to what I’ve experienced so far and look out in the future what’s about to come.

‘You are not about the people, you are about the places’ said once a good friend of mine to describe me. And that’s me, working by my own choice, with people, all the time.

The other friend doesn’t believe I can stick around for longer than three years in one place and keeps asking me what my next destination is. Funnily enough, my initial thought when moving to Berlin was to stay here for max. 3 years, get some amazing work experience, learn German like a pro and visit all the places in the city I wanted, including clubs, galleries and abandoned places. I didn’t know it’s quite an ambitious plan for 3 years!

So here I am, not willing to move out and having hard time thinking which city would work better for me. I’ve just started my 3rd job, and it’s not that I didn’t like my previous experiences, it’s because this city is full of exciting opportunities. Having said that, lesson learnt #1 is to have a good work/life/travel/party/nature/urban balance. It’s so easy to get passionate about what you do (in my case it’s music tech!) and find like-minded people to accompany you alongside, whatever your thing is. But it’s also important to have a quality ‘solo time’ and wind down.

My German still has a lot of room for improvement, to put it nicely. I can read and understand a lot, write reasonably well (thinking that its structure is a good mental exercise of putting your thoughts together), yet I still feel very shy speaking. Maybe I should re-adjust this plan for the upcoming next 3 years?

I’m still not done with doing things, going places and trying out new stuff, which feels like a bucket with no bottom filled with endless options in this dynamic place. Not all the changes I like though, nor I accept certain grumpiness/negative/coolness vybe branded as ‘a Berlin thing’. I love the community and solidarity aspect which I hope will not get forgotten in the further gentrification and commercialization of the city.

I’ve been through love/hate phases of my stay here, and all the states in between: from bittersweet loneliness to over-socializing, from shivering in the winter to dripping sweat in the summer (*of 2015, never happened again), from Spati-crawling to eating out in a Michelin-star restaurants, you name it. And this is just a partial description of the diversity of Berlin I love.

And by the way, I took this picture today on my way to work <3.
 

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My summer of changes

A month ago I would not expect that my life would turn upside down and back again, and that at the end of it I would relax, unwind on a hammock and look back at it in peace. Maybe slightly exhausted, but still: feeling very lucky. Here is what happened.

My summer started in an operation room at the biggest Berliner hospital: Charité. It was my third surgery this year, and hopefully the last one (leave me alone, all you voodoo people). Looking back, the injuries hit me quite hard in 2017 – partly due to amazing exploratory life I’m living; partly because I ignored them for years, working way too much and not willing to take any time off to heal. While the leg operation was not such a terrible experience, the recovery was super painful. The painkillers available in the hospital were not helping me at all, and I had to rely only on my visitors to bring me the stuff that would actually put me at ease. I shared a room with a funny German lady who would not let me speak English even if I was terribly tired, so my linguistic skills must have evolved then more than ever during the past couple of years spent in Berlin. After a few days I was sent home, with a note that I should avoid walking for 2 more weeks. Walking was an incredible luxury anyway and I had to learn everything from the scratch.

I have come to terms that I will need to really slow down and unwind during these weeks and rely only on my friends. This was the most beautiful surprise of all: learning how many people would care for me, pay me a visit, bring me delicious food, or food for thought. Finally, on 6th July I could walk like a person and was getting ready for returning to work the week after, all recovered and with a lot of energy.

This is when I received dreadful news that over 40% of my colleagues were laid off: the employees I hired, I watched to develop, some of them being my close friends. I could not talk to anyone for the next couple of hours, being in a state of shock and disbelief. I have gone through the lay offs in different companies, but this time it was a place that was more than that. It was a company which created an incredibly human and open culture for the people who cared and loved the product they worked for, and contributed to initiatives like diversity and inclusion, or mental health at workplace, which I found very progressive in the tech industry. I could not believe that this cut has to be made, but apparently it was the only solution for moving forward. More importantly, I was not directly impacted by the lay offs, but most of my team was and this was very difficult for me to accept.

As it comes with the state of grief, the shock was substituted by anger, sadness and finally: acceptance. The business reality is what it is, and not always one can influence that or control it. I made a conscious decision to move on though, given that I’ve been already in talks with another music tech company which I admired and had an offer from, for a role in an exciting team with good outlook for my career development, closing an important chapter for me in a right moment. Within one week my whole life turned upside down, and I found myself in a loop of accepting/resigning and opening my network of contacts to try to connect the dots between the affected people and companies that may be of help.

I was stunned by the solidarity, speed and involvement of the tech community, although there was some chaos involved and it took some time to analyze the mutual needs from both the affected employees and companies offering jobs. It’s been hectic yet rewarding experience, and I am convinced that everyone will be able to move on to find an amazing opportunity. This situation has made the dissolved teams bond and get to know each other in the times of chaos. And to enjoy some bits of the summer too!

I was also very lucky that some of my Berlin friends joined me on a spontaneous visit in Poznań, my home town in Poland which was a great experience, even though it the political events and protests shed light on our stay a lot. Still, I felt proud I could speak up and stand up for the important cause in my country.

So, here I am, writing this all on 31st July, having spent an amazing month of sharing & caring, learning to walk & to dance again. Right before it all happened, a friend of mine shared her thought that she had a strange feeling this will be a remarkable summer, in many ways. There were indeed a series of turbulent events at many levels, and the weather has been dramatic too (also in all ways: from wetness to hotness), so tomorrow I’m leaving Berlin for some period of time to rest, retrospect and regain my physical and emotional balance while sailing in the middle of Atlantic Ocean. See you all in Berlin in the second half of August.

Italianissima

I don’t think there is such a thing like the Italian overdose, but if there is, I am close to trespassing the limit. I am the lucky one who managed to visit Italy twice this month and following the addiction metaphor, I want more of it!

I’ve been to Italy many times and it’s been always a great and intense: with an exception of working out the frustration in the touristic sites (Venice is such a dead place experience). Having said that, I loved wandering around Roma’s diverse neighbourhoods (and not caring about the infamous public transport), meeting the locals in Sardegna (and trying the best sea urchins in my life) or hiking around the beautiful Lago di Como.

More importantly, I met amazing Italian people on my way in almost all the locations I’ve lived in: be it Poland, Portugal, Barcelona or Berlin. I hate to generalize but all of them were from a different part of their country and I loved the diverse aspect of it. Apart from that, for a reason of being loyal to dressing in mostly Italian brands,  my friends call me Italianissima. Funnily enough, I never felt attracted to an idea of living in Italy or learning the language. My best friend Olga is a witness of some of my most embarrassing attempts of speaking Spanish with an Italian accent and failing it. Big time.

These two city breaks: in Naples and in Milan this month gave me such a great energy and creativity boost. The spontaneity, certain level of chaos and celebration of life and art of living with all the senses (for a reason one call it dolce vita) makes Italy so different than in other places. For a reason the Renaissance, Baroque and Quartieri della Moda were invented.

Visiting Naples was a perfect balance between the urban and landscape, and the highlight of the stay was the spontaneous visit in the Teatro San Carlo, the oldest and the most picturesque opera in the world for the acoustic concert of Al di Meola and his band. On the other hand, Milan is the non-traditional, creative burst I always enjoy, regardless of the temperatures one can expect in June.

So what’s the connection with Berlin? Of course, the cheap flight connections, though I think it’s the level of craziness and creativity. And a lots of Italians influencing the scene that make the German capital especially vibrant or sensual. And edible. And black-loving.

I came back with a sound resolution of making more weekend breaks in Italy, not only to charge myself with the sun, day and night.

Frühlingsgefühle

The winter’s been long, and hectic; to be completely fair, I don’t know when the springtime started off this year. In a good way the restless times were filled with amazing happenings. I’ve travelled to both very distant and nearby places, I’ve been enjoying my work like never before, I’ve gradually gained more recognition externally and I’ve engaged in interesting initiatives in Berlin community for women in electronic music and tech. I also feel that I’ve never loved the city more than I do now. Although on the surface my relationship with the city rather seem like the ‘it’s complicated’ status.

Not everything’s been awesome lately. I’ve been through some health issues and it showed me the physical limits (not yet memento mori but at least giving some headspace for thinking about myself). While I’m still recovering, I’ve made the most important decision of not exceeding these limits anytime soon. I almost burned out on the job, networks and friendships, but I was lucky enough to spot the symptoms early enough and seek out for support.

I replaced the impossible agenda (even though my life is still pretty much fully planned until July 2017) with blank spots for actually being spontaneous, a space for the sheer laughter and going with the flow, like I used to in my post-Poznań and pre-Berlin life. Even that Germany is not a country for spontaneous people and not making plans leads straightforward to solitude, I prioritise it over forcing myself through 17th event on the 7th day of the week.

I still plan carefully my travels and dream about the upcoming destinations, but will plan to spend the summer in the city, sitting by the river bank, enjoying the long days and warm nights with whatever floats my boat.

Only last week beautiful things happened because of that: on Monday I booked a helicopter trip for 20 EUR for my upcoming holidays on Faroe Islands, on Tuesday I took a long walk with a friend in the sun, on Wednesday I decided to skip the meet up in Factory just to cycle and eat out with my bestie, on Thursday I enjoyed the sunset at Alt-Stralau while wearing a Brazilian bikini, on Friday I left work at 6 pm with saying that my weekend will be ‘low key’. Only to receive a call from a good old friend of mine who happened to be in Berlin. Yesterday I spent time with friends and strangers who became friends, and today I’m indulging myself in the sounds and solitude.

I’m so much looking forward to the changes and new ways of life to discover ahead of me. I’ve lately read about the DRD4-7 gene responsible e.g. for the personality trait of novelty seeking and I already know that I’m a proud owner of it. I’m predisposed to be an eternal nomad, with little tolerance to stability and boredom, and reduced ability to focus on one thing at a time. I have the feeling there’s more people with this particular trait in Berlin than in any other city I’ve lived in the past. But in order to enjoy this fantastic place to the fullest, it is crucial to recover and manage the energy.

And I have the feeling that spring/summer days are the best to do so. I’d like to thank my friend who captured the featured image of my neighbourhood on Friday evening, for reminding me about yet one more reason to love this city.

Uncertain journey(s)

Life is a journey, and it would be very fair to say that even if I am not travelling physically, the need for discovery leads me to trying out different things almost everyday. I mostly spent my summer in Berlin working, which was a great ride itself, with short getaways within Europe I had no time to describe but needed so badly to change air and perspective. Not to mention the quantity of gigs and showcases I’ve been able to see.

Now the summer is over and I am heading to a very distant destination.

Inspired by the title of the exhibition I saw 2 weeks ago at Blain Southern Gallery in Berlin I am ready to travel to the country I have long dreamt to visit: Japan. This mind-blowing installation created by Chiharu Shiota is open until the end of November, so if you have a chance to visit it, I truly recommend it. Full of hidden meanings and symbolics, it reflects very well the fragile nature of emotional bounds related to travel.

I love the feeling of the unknown waiting for me, this time multiplicated by the fact that none of the languages I speak may become handy, but rather the open mind and empathy. Exactly a year ago, a good friend of mine boarded the plane to Japan to travel for a couple of months in Asia. I was happy to trace herself  while she was discovering beautiful places, spaces and faces. Now I find myself in this amazing state of mind, ready for the new adventures, albeit for much more limited period of time.

The hunger for travel is a state of mind. And so is Berlin – very often I start missing this city the moment I board the plane. I will be back soon and will focus on seeking for novelty in my everyday life. Till I book another trip…

Between East and West

It is hard to forget about the division between East and West, especially around 9th November, when Berliners celebrate the opening of the borders and, respectively, the Fall of the Wall in 1989.

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Berlin Wall became the physical symbol of the Iron Curtain and even if nowadays the idea of the Cold War division within one city sounds so abstract, it was a painful reality for many Berliners for over 28 years.

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Today the Wall can be seen from many perspectives: you can learn interesting facts and stories visiting the Berlin Wall Memorial (free admission!), Topographie des Terrors, Checkpoint Charlie, or East Side Gallery – where all the featured photos were taken.

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East Side Gallery, the longest remaining fragment of the wall, today sets the border between the multicultural neighbourhoods of Friedrichshein and Kreuzberg. East Side Galler hosts some great graffitis, mostly related to politics and history. It reminds us there are still many walls on this planet to be tear down…

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Another interesting perspective on the history of the Berlin Wall was presented in a Polish documentary film called “Rabbit a la Berlin”, telling the story of the division and “no man’s land” or “Death stripe” from rabbits’ perspective. It is based on real happenings, as during years, rabbits found a perfect place to live in between the Berlin Wall.

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Nowadays the Wall is long gone, but according to the latest HR research on salaries, Berlin still stands out as the poorest city in Germany. Salaries in Berlin can be up to 25% lower than in other cities. Interesting, as it’s been long enough as well to give Berlin the unofficial name of ‘Silicon Allee’ – innovative IT start ups’ capital.

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‘Poor but sexy’ is no longer an excuse, as the cost of living grows unproportionally to the abovementioned salaries. We can see then, how much time it takes for a city to recover after such terrifying events and decisions.

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However, as this year Germany celebrated 25 years from the unification, I hope this is a good moment for everyone to contemplate the history and its outcomes. I am proud to be living in Berlin, a capital which is maybe still very imperfect, but giving room for people with different backgrounds and ideas. Otherwise, it would still be so grey.

Le Sacre du Printemps

Das Frühlingsopfer – this the German title of Igor Stavinsky’s ‘The Rite of Spring’, a masterpiece which pictures best by far the uncertainty and drama of the current season. Spring as a process within human minds and the slow rebirth of the nature can be painfully difficult. It is a struggle when sometimes there is no energy left to overcome the drastic changes. There are no better words and sound notes to illustrate this moment in my life, so I’d love to dedicate this post to my dear friend I suddenly lost few days ago in tragic circumstances.

Thinking about the loss as a process of life can be helpful till certain extend to accept its dark shades and harsh moments. I give myself time to think about the value of pain, grief and irreversible flow of time and space. I question the things I take for granted. I keep the moments I happily lived with him and think about the values he appreciated the most. In search for the answers and gathering the thoughts, I find it Stravinsky’s music especially close to the state of mind I am in. Not without sense, Le Sacre du Printemps is a musical journey through the idea of the sacrifice, the reinventing the seasons and yet, the usual process that takes place each and every year.

Knowing that my friend loved theatre, art and whole range of earthly pleasures and beauty so much, I would love to dedicate him Das Frühlingsopfer in this revolutionary Berliner Philharmoniker version directed by the living legend of the Kammermusik, Sir Simon Rattle. He didn’t make it to pay me a visit in my new city and I did not show him my favourite places that I promised him in my last e-mail. There is nothing else left now than appreciating the beauty of life while we are here and now in this amazing universe.

Smell the flowers while you can.